oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
