can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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