Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
