porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
