It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
