Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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