I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
