Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
