Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
