I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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