Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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