you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
