he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You took a bar mat shot.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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