I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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