i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Everything about him screamed your future.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
