im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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