people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
