I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
