I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
