New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
