...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
