I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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