I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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