im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
