I can text with my tongue
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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