I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
