What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
