Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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