I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You made out with two different species that night
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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