It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
