We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
