Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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