the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
