What did we do last night that was yellow?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
