IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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