Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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