I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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