i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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