I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
