I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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