Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
