I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Randomize
