everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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