It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
