we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
