Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
