if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
