oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
