I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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