I don't usually arrange sex via text message
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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