He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
